Weirdly

For two days now, I've felt fairly crumby and had a slight back ache and cramps. No clue why cuz I still have a lot of fluid. UGH. Today I was so exhausted after work that I left Monkey in front of the Tv and went to bed. Thankfully, he fell asleep on his own soon thereafter. Why doesn't he want to nap when I'm tired????

Goodness

Still no period.
I get so tired of fluid, y'know? I'm not charting--just "aware." Yesterday, it hit me in the leg, no kidding. And today I've had pains in the ovary area. Maybe I ovulated!! Which will put this cycle at about 6 weeks (40-some-odd days) long. Not as bad as some of mine have been--but not great.
Confession.
When I was hoping and trying to get pregnant back in March/April, I was taking super-good care of myself, eating well tracking my nutritional requirements and taking my vitamins. After the miscarriage, it was like, "Why bother now??" so I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted and stop taking care of myself.
Now I look like I'm five months pregnant. I look more pregnant than I would now if I really were pregnant!! Ugh.
My SIL's (now ex) boyfriend doesn't know I miscarried, unless he compliments all women with, "You are just glowing," or "You look so cute," and pats their flabby belly. It is embarrassing but we're always at church when this happens so I never feel like going into it. Not fun. Tops with empire waists are IN right now!!! It's not maternity wear!!!
In other news, my oldest, dearest friend is pregnant and due around Valentine's Day. I'm super-thrilled!! It'll be her second. She's only about ten weeks along so you bet I'm praying super-hard for the health of her and her baby!! Those early days are so very fragile. Babies are miracles!!
Even if we could start trying again tomorrow, I'm just not quite "there yet." I don't have that burning desire, that yearning for a baby. Maybe it's the heat. It makes doing virtually anything ten times more laborious.
We're gonna pray about it as far as timing but ultimately, of course, God is in control. We trust His timing. I just hate waiting.
I have a feeling we might be waiting a while. If I have one more 6-week cycle, assuming this one will be...we wouldn't be looking at conceiving until mid-September at the earliest, which would put me due in June. Yow-za!! At least we'd be indoors for the first couple months, anyway!! But a June baby isn't so appealing. A July, August of September baby isn't at the top of my list, either!!
Bet I won't be as picky this time, though. Hmm.

Another month later

Well, we're almost two months post-miscarriage and no second period yet. I'll count the last one starting June 13 cuz I remember it did set in pretty heavy right after I posted last. So now we're almost a month more and I've still got seemingly-fertile fluid and no period yet. I've had fertile fluid off and on for a few weeks now. It may be a delayed ovulation. I'm either pregnant, my hormones are off-kilter or I'm pre-ovulation. Nice and confusing.
I kinda wish I'd have been obviously fertile and obviously dry, so I could be expecting my period soon. Really, I should be charting like a good girl. My thermometer IS next to the bed now--so tomorrow I will see if my temps are high. I bet I'm pre-ov and my body is just taking its time. Which means waiting even longer before we "try" again. Great.
I had a stomach bug all weekend, which I had right before I got pregnant with Monkey, oddly enough. My belly is soooo sensitive. Now I'm motivated to get healthy again and be more consistent with my vitamins, etc. to increase my fertility. Probably need to cut back on the cookies, eh?