Goodness

Still no period.
I get so tired of fluid, y'know? I'm not charting--just "aware." Yesterday, it hit me in the leg, no kidding. And today I've had pains in the ovary area. Maybe I ovulated!! Which will put this cycle at about 6 weeks (40-some-odd days) long. Not as bad as some of mine have been--but not great.
Confession.
When I was hoping and trying to get pregnant back in March/April, I was taking super-good care of myself, eating well tracking my nutritional requirements and taking my vitamins. After the miscarriage, it was like, "Why bother now??" so I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted and stop taking care of myself.
Now I look like I'm five months pregnant. I look more pregnant than I would now if I really were pregnant!! Ugh.
My SIL's (now ex) boyfriend doesn't know I miscarried, unless he compliments all women with, "You are just glowing," or "You look so cute," and pats their flabby belly. It is embarrassing but we're always at church when this happens so I never feel like going into it. Not fun. Tops with empire waists are IN right now!!! It's not maternity wear!!!
In other news, my oldest, dearest friend is pregnant and due around Valentine's Day. I'm super-thrilled!! It'll be her second. She's only about ten weeks along so you bet I'm praying super-hard for the health of her and her baby!! Those early days are so very fragile. Babies are miracles!!
Even if we could start trying again tomorrow, I'm just not quite "there yet." I don't have that burning desire, that yearning for a baby. Maybe it's the heat. It makes doing virtually anything ten times more laborious.
We're gonna pray about it as far as timing but ultimately, of course, God is in control. We trust His timing. I just hate waiting.
I have a feeling we might be waiting a while. If I have one more 6-week cycle, assuming this one will be...we wouldn't be looking at conceiving until mid-September at the earliest, which would put me due in June. Yow-za!! At least we'd be indoors for the first couple months, anyway!! But a June baby isn't so appealing. A July, August of September baby isn't at the top of my list, either!!
Bet I won't be as picky this time, though. Hmm.