Please turn your attention...

...to my pregnancy blog, where the story continues!

Proudgrits is Preggers

Hoping and hopping

You should've seen me today, hopping around and praising God for THIS!!



I honestly cannot believe it. I peed in a cup and dipped the thingy in there and before I even laid the darn thing down, the control turned blue and low and behold...a second line began to emerge! Like, instantly!!

I said, "No way," and was looking back and forth between the instructions and the test. It is so surreal, thinking you'll see another negative, yet hoping upon hope that your suspicions are right...and then there's this second line. A really obivous line.

I had to leave the bathroom and come back again, just to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me!! I held that thing up and analyzed it and blinked and grinned...and went running for the camera, saying, "This can't be happeneing!!"

For the pictures, I wrote 9-2 on the sticks and as I did I said, "I wonder if the date is significant."

All the sudden it hit me...

9 + 2 = 11

Eleven is our number.

I said, "Lord, you are too funny!!" And then I just praised Him and praised Him.

I still can't believe it. It "took" on the first try TWICE!

I'm a bundle of emotions. I'll keep writing soon. For tonight, I'm achy and tired and so happy!!

Hoping still

Based on my loose calculations, I'm about 14 days post-ov and no period yet. Feeling tired and crampy but that can be pregnancy or impending period, so that's no help. No spotting, though. I'm betting I ovulated later than I think I did.
I took a $1 test this a.m. and it was clearly negative. I'll give it a day or two and test again but after that, I'll know it didn't "take."
I hate waiting.
But God's plan is best and I'm OK with whatever. Really.

hoo-eee!!

Wow, I seemed super-duper-fertile yesterday. Like, needed a mini pad fertile. I had shooting pains in my pelvis, which was odd, and a dull ache on my right side, like ovulatory pain.
THEN, there was a teensy bit of blood once when I went to the bathroom. That's a sign of the hormones shift associated with ovulation--the estrogen dropping before the progesterone takes over. I hope so, at least. Our "timing" should've been just right, although unless I've totally dried up, we'll try again tonight, just in case.
Oh, last night I woke up burning hot, too, which could also be a clue that I ovluated.
Yes, I need to start charting again. Sigh....
**ADDED LATER**
I do seem dry today! Weird!! I bet I ovulated yesterday!!
OR...my estrogren tried to peak and release an egg but didn't quite make it. So either we did well or we'll get another chance--either way, it's good!!
**ADDED EVEN LATER**
I did end up with some white, sticky fluid--definitely not dry. Maybe I didn't ovulate yet.

Try, try again

Well, yesterday was our first time "trying" since the miscarriage. We're only about 20 days into this cycle, which is fairly early for me to ovulate, but maybe I'm functioning more normally now. I certainly seemed fertile, but that's been known to last for a week or more. I figure we'll try the every-other-day technique until the weekend, when I'll be gone. We've got to at least give God a fighting chance!!
I sent out a plea to pray today, too, for health and protection, even this early in the game. It's really more important now than ever. Those early weeks are so, so fragile. So...we'll see, as always, how it goes.

Cycle starting July 30

So I'm aiming to lose 15 lbs.
Maybe before getting pregnant...maybe not. If the goal gets interrupted, that's fine, but if I don't get pregnant, I'll push ahead and shoot for the 155lb. mark. I've already dropped 2-3 just within the week or so since I started cutting back and I feel better already, too. A LOT less fast food, junk food and sugar. No wonder I feel better!!

In other news, this is looking like a fertile cycle. I'm a little over a week past my period ending--12 days into this cycle, total--and the fluid is on the rise!! Yesterday, it hit me in the leg again, but it was the beige, stringy kind--not truly fertile. But still. Maybe my hormones are normalizing.
So we'll take it a day at a time. I'm thinking we'll do the "not trying, not preventing" tactic this cycle. I've been known to plan for that, then know I'm fertile and TRY anyway. It'd hard not to, with as well as I know my body.

I like to keep track of this, too:

Conceive in Aug...due in May
Conceive in Sept.....due in June
Conceive in Oct...due in July...

and so on. Approximately.

With Monkey, I got pregnant on or very near to Feb. 27 and gave birth Nov. 26. Almost 9 months to the day from conception to birth.

Best-case scenario and IF we got pregnant this cycle, I doubt I'd know I was pregnant before September, but I probably would conceive in August. May would be nice!! A summer due date...yikes. But after a miscarriage, you know I'll never be picky again!!

Recommendation

"There really isn’t a magic number when it comes to how long to wait, but most doctors and midwives suggest waiting at least two or three menstrual cycles after a miscarriage to allow the uterus and endometrial lining to become healthy again."

Well. Mine isn't back to normal yet, I'm afraid. Lots and lots of clotting. I think I'm still purging. I'm not done yet. Not healthy enough. Not getting pregnant this cycle.

Aunt Flo #2

Yup, she arrived in town Wednesday. Full force, mind you. Lovely. That means this cycle was about 7 weeks long. Yeesh.

I'm having a lot more clots than usual, still. Pre-pregancy, I hardly ever had those. I wonder if my body, then, is still recovering from the miscarriage.
My hubby thinks we can try this cycle, cuz it's cycle #3, post-miscarriage. I'm telling him, "No, I think they meant COMPLETE three cycles first." Like, three periods. This is #2. Not start trying again IN cycle #3.

I dunno, now I need to research it more. I have cut down on the junk food and have been trying to eat more healthily. I have plans to Gazelle more often, too, possibly during "What Not To Wear." I need to do better about taking my vitamins, though.
So...we'll see. I suppose there is a chance we could be "trying" again in a few weeks, or it may be another 6-plus weeks away. Or longer!!

And still I have hesitations. There are moments when I can picture us with another child, being a family of four, with Monkey as an older brother. I do want more children, at least in theory!

And then there's the reality of nursing a newborn again, dealing with two car seats and dragging two kids to the grocery store and where everyone would sleep and the expense, not to mention being pregnant and giving birth again...and I go, "I'm not ready." I'm still a little scared. Sex still hurts from Monkey's birth, and that was over 2.5 years ago!! Labor could be awful!! Can I even handle two kids????

So. I don't feel ready. Hubby is!! We're not getting any younger. We're looking at kids well over 3 years apart. Life keeps marching on. Everyone else is handling two and two-plus kids just fine, or so it seems.
Ultimately, it's in the Lord's hands.
We shall see.

Weirdly

For two days now, I've felt fairly crumby and had a slight back ache and cramps. No clue why cuz I still have a lot of fluid. UGH. Today I was so exhausted after work that I left Monkey in front of the Tv and went to bed. Thankfully, he fell asleep on his own soon thereafter. Why doesn't he want to nap when I'm tired????

Goodness

Still no period.
I get so tired of fluid, y'know? I'm not charting--just "aware." Yesterday, it hit me in the leg, no kidding. And today I've had pains in the ovary area. Maybe I ovulated!! Which will put this cycle at about 6 weeks (40-some-odd days) long. Not as bad as some of mine have been--but not great.
Confession.
When I was hoping and trying to get pregnant back in March/April, I was taking super-good care of myself, eating well tracking my nutritional requirements and taking my vitamins. After the miscarriage, it was like, "Why bother now??" so I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted and stop taking care of myself.
Now I look like I'm five months pregnant. I look more pregnant than I would now if I really were pregnant!! Ugh.
My SIL's (now ex) boyfriend doesn't know I miscarried, unless he compliments all women with, "You are just glowing," or "You look so cute," and pats their flabby belly. It is embarrassing but we're always at church when this happens so I never feel like going into it. Not fun. Tops with empire waists are IN right now!!! It's not maternity wear!!!
In other news, my oldest, dearest friend is pregnant and due around Valentine's Day. I'm super-thrilled!! It'll be her second. She's only about ten weeks along so you bet I'm praying super-hard for the health of her and her baby!! Those early days are so very fragile. Babies are miracles!!
Even if we could start trying again tomorrow, I'm just not quite "there yet." I don't have that burning desire, that yearning for a baby. Maybe it's the heat. It makes doing virtually anything ten times more laborious.
We're gonna pray about it as far as timing but ultimately, of course, God is in control. We trust His timing. I just hate waiting.
I have a feeling we might be waiting a while. If I have one more 6-week cycle, assuming this one will be...we wouldn't be looking at conceiving until mid-September at the earliest, which would put me due in June. Yow-za!! At least we'd be indoors for the first couple months, anyway!! But a June baby isn't so appealing. A July, August of September baby isn't at the top of my list, either!!
Bet I won't be as picky this time, though. Hmm.

Another month later

Well, we're almost two months post-miscarriage and no second period yet. I'll count the last one starting June 13 cuz I remember it did set in pretty heavy right after I posted last. So now we're almost a month more and I've still got seemingly-fertile fluid and no period yet. I've had fertile fluid off and on for a few weeks now. It may be a delayed ovulation. I'm either pregnant, my hormones are off-kilter or I'm pre-ovulation. Nice and confusing.
I kinda wish I'd have been obviously fertile and obviously dry, so I could be expecting my period soon. Really, I should be charting like a good girl. My thermometer IS next to the bed now--so tomorrow I will see if my temps are high. I bet I'm pre-ov and my body is just taking its time. Which means waiting even longer before we "try" again. Great.
I had a stomach bug all weekend, which I had right before I got pregnant with Monkey, oddly enough. My belly is soooo sensitive. Now I'm motivated to get healthy again and be more consistent with my vitamins, etc. to increase my fertility. Probably need to cut back on the cookies, eh?

Full force

Wow. Sometimes things still hit me, like, "I actually graduated from college!" I still dream about forgetting about a big test or going to class with no shoes on. Or, "I'm married!" or "I'm someone's mother!" Well, my new one is "I can't believe I actually had a miscarriage."
Mother's Day marked the worst of it, with the next day (May 12) being THE DAY the pregnancy was officially over. So, here it is exactly a month later and I've been spotting a little bit for about a week now. Not like I spotted in past cycles, definitely still "different." Streaky, bloody, red. I keep thinking I'll start my period at any given moment but so far, just spotting.
So it'll be interesting to see how this cycle pans out. "My first cycle after my miscarriage." See? I still can't really believe it.
My hubby and I haven't exactly been "careful," so that's an additional worry. It seemed like I was fertile maybe two weeks back but I'm not charting so I don't know if I ovulated. If the bleedin continues and stays this light, I'd guess an annovulatory cycle, which wouldn't be surprising. I can understand why it's recommended to wait three cycles--my body is definitely taking its time getting back to normal. But I was never that normal to begin with, so it works!!
As always, time will tell. I really should start charting again so I know what's going on. Good thing I printed extras last time.

God un-did it

We "did it," yes. We fertilized an egg. Our midwife believes it was a "blighted ovum," meaning a fertilized egg that never actually develops into an embryo. The sac and placenta develop and your body thinks its pregnant--but there's no baby. So your body eventually gets a clue and purges it out.
So, yes, I have miscarried. I am a woman who has had a miscarriage. I didn't think it would happen to me. ME. Just like planning a home birth and ending up in the hospital was a crushing disappointment (I never thought THAT would happen to ME, either), this is a huge blow. Evidently it really can happen to anyone--and has happened to dozens of women I know, that I never knew about until now. Wow.
It is heinous. That's my word for what miscarriage is. Heinous. That's what I've been dealing with for a week now--and finally purged what seemed like the last of it this morning, when I would have started my 7th week of pregnancy.
I was about to begin my 6th week when all of this started with a bad dream, chills and a stomach ache Sunday night the 4th. I started spotting on Monday then it continued lightly until Friday morning. My midwife assured me that a little brown or pink spotting was normal. Then Friday, I woke up to blood. I knew something was wrong. And it just got worse from there.
The blood flow increased and the pain increased. Friday evening through Saturday was when it was at its worst--cramping, back ache and nausea. Saturday I spent the day on the couch in agony. I knew it was over. The pregnancy was over. I cried in the shower. Sobbed.
Sunday I felt better, although still felt weak and had no appetite. Sunday night was difficult but I seemed to have acquired a stomach bug along the way, to add insult to injury. I wondered if I was "done," or if it would get worse.
Then this morning, I passed a massive chunk of tissue in one big "plop" in the toilet. Wow. I thought, "Well, there ya go." I've felt much better since and the stomach bug is getting better, too.
So many women have been through this and I never knew. Many, multiple times. I now really appreciate the women who have been honest about it and shared their experiences. Not that I expect ladies to go around talking openly about it all the time--but admitting it does take courage. And it helps women like me know they're not alone.
That's going to be my place now. An encourager to women that I hear about who are going through it. It truly can happen to anyone. You are not alone. It's not the end of the world. It is heinous, indeed. Yet life goes on.
Perhaps this blog can serve that purpose to someone--knowing someone else has been there. I hope I can help another woman on her journey.
And our journey will continue! We expect to try to get pregnant again as soon as we get the go-ahead and feel up to it. We are very sad and disappointed but we know God is in control. We know we will have more children. Only God knows the details.

We did it!!!!!

I'M PREGNANT!!!! I actually can't believe it, reading back over the last few entries. I guess I was feeling pretty sure. Or at least hopeful. And, YES, it "took." I don't feel silly at all!! :)
We ere suspicious toward the end of last week so I was taking a cheapy pregnancy test every day...Wednesday, Thursday, Friday AND Saturday's were nagative. Then...Sunday morning, it was there, but definitely faint. I tortured myself all day and when I mentioned it to our home group, the ladies said, "Faint means you are!!" So...I got a more expensive test afterward and, since there were two in the pack, took one Sunday night and, yes, positive. Still light! But there. Which counts, evidently.
So Monday morning, I was eager to test again. High temp--check. No AF--check. Pregnancy test? Positive. Undeniably. It didn't come out well in the picture, but my SIL and The Paladin confirmed my suspicions. My husband acted so UNsurprised. He had told me, "It'll happen soon," but...first try??? Come on!! I could hardly believe it. No waiting and wondering?? Ooooooh, do I feel blessed!!!
My temps are even higher now so progesterone levels seem to be just fine. I'm feeling a little tired and crabby but nothing major. I've got a mega shopping list going since I'm now in a "critical phase" of baby development. Eating well is no problem for me and I'm even kind of over-eating, assuming I'll feel yucky any day now and have a harder time getting all the nutrients I need. In the early part of Monkey's pregnancy, all I wanted was spaghetti o's and crackers for lunch aand lots and lots of grape juice. No cravings yet...but I'm definitely more sensitive to smells now so that makes it harder. My bananas can't be mushy, either. Blech.
So...here I am. Preggers. It actually worked. And the first time trying!! I am amazed.
Here's the vital info.:
I'm just a month along now. My weeks start on Monday, so that's convenient!! Hey, I'm a third of the way through the first trimester!! :) I remember someone telling me that with Monkey and I felt strangely relieved about that.
My due date is a little disappointing. I didn't think it would "take" so soon, so I was counting on not having a baby until 2009! My due date, based on almost every source, is the end of December. Dec. 28th to be exact. Now, Monkey was born 6 days after my due date but I've heard that second babies often come sooner. So we're definitely going to be on pins and needles as the holidays approach. I'm going to need a lot of very BIG, dressy maternity clothes for all of our festivities!! And there's always the chance the baby will be born on Christmas day, NY Eve or NY Day! Yikes!! That'd be quite a way to ring in the new year!! Or it could be early January. No matter what, it'll make birthday parties difficult, just like for the rest of us.
But...I'm not complaining!! I'll take that over having had to wait another however many months ANY day. I hate the waiting!! God must've just been waiting for us to synch up with His plan. Or He's just blessing me, knowing how the waiting makes me crazy.
Monkey will be just over 3 years old, which is lovely. Potty trained and Mom's big helper! Love it!
We've got a lot of planning to do...lots to do.
I'm so excited!!

new ovulation day and a dream

Ugh, I dislike this GREATLY. Three tests, all negative, but still feeling a little "off" (drooling, a little light-headed) and no appearance by AF--and no indications that it's impending. So!! Back to analyze my chart!! My temps were a bit wanky for a while, with taking them so early and all, so I have two cover lines. I did have a second brief fertile-seeming period of a couple days two days AFTER the first fertile period. Thankfully, we "did it" on BOTH fertile days. Phew.
So...if my peak day was in fact two days later than I'd originally thought, that'd put me getting a positive test result...tomorrow. Grr. And, of course, it's possible that it didn't "take" at all...I just wish I'd get some conclusive news. It's nice, I suppose to still have hope for this cycle, despite my reading my chart wrong initially...but it makes me feel dumb at the same time! :)
I'm looking at my chart now...and I'd probably have had a positive test by now with the earlier conception date, unless the tests I've taken have been REALLY weak. And, actually, the later ovulation date makes more sense...and my temps have been quite high, even the past several days. I just got a little ahead of myself!!
So...tomorrow I will test again. Even The Paladin said, "Give it 'til the weekend."
MY DREAM!! Oh, let's see...Wednesday night, I was feeling a little anxious and asked the Lord to give me a dream to help me walk through this season. I'm not sure what I was expecting...but I got a baby dream! I had just had a girl--hadn't even nursed her yet--and ooooohhh, how I loved her!! She was tiny and I was holding her in my lap, just like I held my niece on Friday.
Now The Paladin has been saying for a while that he "knows" what the gender of our next baby will be. He's freakishly good at "knowing" a lot of things. I'd think he's just a good guesser, but...he's right more like 90% of the time, maybe more. So he wouldn't tell me what gender...until I told him my dream. "Yeah, the next one's a girl," he told me. Wow. It was prophesied to us that we'd have multiple children and that one would be feisty and one would be red-headed. Could we be getting a red-headed baby girl soon?? We'll see!
So...a nice dream, and I felt very comforted by it, like God was saying, "It'll happen. Just hang in there. I've got it all planned out." Now the girl part...I dunno. I don't think I'll be out buying pink just yet.
I had dreams with Monkey, too. About giving birth with two other women, and low and behold, they both became pregnant soon after I did. Well, one used a surrogate, but still. So...I certainly don't discount them.
My brain runs amuck. I have a long day tomorrow so if the test is negative again and no AF, I'll be really distracted.
I was pretty sure with Monkey. But didn't want to get my hopes up. Am I AS sure this time?? I don't know. Wishing and hoping for something and truly believing it will happen are two different things, and hard to separate. I do have hope.
If I'm not pregnant this cycle, I'll feel so...silly. Isn't that...silly?? To feel silly?? There's just something about hoping and hoping and hoping, and it not happening, that makes you feel...silly!! Especially when you want it so bad. It's like wanting it should make it happen, or you didn't want it enough!
It's a good thing I believe in God's perfect timing. I do feel peace about this. no matter what the outcome.

so far, negative

I took a cheap pregnancy test I got for $1 tonight and it was negative. This is day 12 post-ov and late into the evening...and a cheap test. So there's still hope. I have a different $1 test for tomorrow morning, the day I got a positive test with Monkey. The Paladin wants me to wait until the weekend--he also insists I'm not pregnant. He's usually right about that stuff. It's infuriating.

My hubby doesn't think so

The Paladin isn't thinking I'm pregnant. He says he isn't sensing a life in there. I said, Well, maybe it hasn't implanted yet so there's nothing to sense. He said to ask him again in a few days.
I felt felt weird today off and on...could be anything.
I think I'm going to the 99cent Store tomorrow to buy a handful of pregnancy tests, just to torture myself.

symptoms

10 days post-ov, which is when I had a little spotting with Monkey. None of that today, but I did have a wave or two of nausea and, after a two-hour nap (much-needed), I was shaky and really hungry. I had a big breakfast and a decent lunch and it was only 5:00 so that's a bit odd. Now my back feels a little achy, almost pre-menstrual-like. I'm still a little shaky, though, even after finishing the sandwich I started.
Today I have felt a little different. Nothing to get excited about, though.
I have been tired but then I'm staying up too late, too. I took a long nap yesterday and today and was tired off and on all week.
That's the kicker--all the "early pregnancy symptoms" can easily be a million other things and completely un-related to each other and to pregnancy.
Wednesday is the earliest I could realistically test but unless it's a $1 test, I need to restrain myself until the weekend, assuming I don't get a visit from AF before then. The next several days will be long.

lower, gulp

Lower temp today--but still relatively high. Crampy, too. Tummy ache. A "heavy hitter" at church is now praying for us--can't hurt!! I need a nap.

chart study

I spent some time last night studying my chart and the one from when I got pregnant with Monkey and there are some similarities (like ovulating very near the same day) and differences, too. I had a very clear temp shift last time and this one was more gradual. But, hormones change and I am still nursing. Then there's when I ovulated. It could be a two to four-day difference. Assuming the earlier day, I could have implantation any time between days 8 and 12, which would be TODAY until Wednesday. With Monkey, I took a test at day 10, the same day I had a tiny bit of spotting (almost certainly implantation bleeding) and it was negative. Two days later, I had a faint positive and the next day, i had a clear positive.
10 days post-ov THIS cycle, when I could expect to have implantation spotting, would be Monday. And I could test as early as Wednesday. It does no good to test before implantation--your body doesn't know anything is going on until then because it's all on a cellular level UNTIL that fertilized egg burrows in the uterine lining. Then the hormones start flowing and the test picks it up.
My temps are low compared to Monkey's pregnancy...97.8 to 98.0 compared to 97.9 to 98.3 with Monkey. So that's not encouraging.
If I ovulated later than I thought, I wouldn't get a positive until Friday or later. So it'll be hard to wait it out and I wouldn't expect a period until Friday the 18th, at the earliest. It's going to be a long week.
First month trying. If it takes, it'll be a miracle--but it's always a miracle.
I feel a little icky...but it's probably anxiety!! I don't have a strong feeling either way--just hope.
I also had fertile-seeming fluid today, which is WAY weird. Hormonal changes?? Who knows. With Monkey, the other reason I suspected I was pregnant was because I usually spotted in the three or so days preceding my period--and was 14 days post-ov and wasn't spotting. So that'll be another sign to look for.
Anxiety, man. Phew.

Definitely...

...post-ov now. Another quite high temp this morning. This is good news cuz even if I'm not pregnant, at leasr I can move on to a new cycle sooner!!! I'm checking this chart against the one from when I got pregnant with Andrew and so far, they're only slightly similar. I've marked when to expect implantation spotting and when I could test, just so I know. It'll still be a while before I know when I really ovulated...but if I am pregnant, depending on when I get a postivie result, I'd be able to tell better. It's still only a matter of four or five days, though, which is a pretty good estimate. I'd be due mid-January, which is just fine by me.

FINE-ally!!

Yes, it looks like I did ovulate. Probably Sunday or Monday. I took my temp this a.m. at three-something and again at six-something and it was fully two tenths of a degree higher the second time, also putting it above the cover line. It occurred to me that I have been taking it super-early in the night, the first time I wake up. So, yeah, your temp rises during the night. So...the last several temps would be sort of misleading and if I bumped them all up two-tenth like I did today...I'd have had a temp rise on Monday. I had a major dip Thursday and Friday, then Sunday I was WAY fertile (fluid-wise) so that would add up. And thankfully, we "did it" Friday and Sunday so we're in good shape.
This cycle is a booger. Then I missed a day to take my temp so that doesn't help. It was definitely really low Thursday and Friday, which is typically a dip in estrogen as ovulation approaches and before the progesterone takes over. I could've ovulated as early as Saturday, too. I thought I had fertile fluid Sunday, though, and have definitely dried up since. I still had SOME fluid post-ov, however...which is weird.
Today's was quite high, though. We'll see how the next few days pan out. My temp today was what it was when I got pregnant with Monkey so that knowledge will help. I'd love to see it stay high.
Either way, we'll know in two weeks!!

Nope, haven't ovulated yet

cuz I've still got fertile fluid today!!! It's a little frustrating--like I want to ovulate already and get on with this cycle so I can find out if I'm pregnant or not. It's dragging on. Ugh. And I'm crampy today, too. And short-tempered. Grrrr.
My temp was high today but I'm certainly not dry like I should be post-ov. Hmm.

I found it!!

My thermometer, that is. Woo-hoo!!
Still not dry so I may not have ovulated yet. I'm getting impatient!! Let's get on with this, already!!

still fertile

Yup, we're at day 22 and I seem to be having another fertile spell--trying to ovulate again, perhaps. Not "again," like I already did--I mean my body tried once earlier in this cycle and didn't quite make it so it seems to be trying again. I've gotta reach that estrongen threshhold!!
We're doing the every-other-day thing to conserve sperm--so that's fun!! :) I can't find my thermometer--really need to. That'll help a lot.
I'm feeling slightly less urgent about this--but that won't continue once I know I ovulated. If I'd have conceived today, I'd be due January 11. So it's nice that we'll be well into 2009, it would seem.
As always, time will tell!!

loooow

day 18. low temps continue so i haven't ovulated yet. good news, i suppose. life is a bit crazy but pretty normaol, all things considered...but it makes us wonder if we really want to add a baby to the mix. is it ever just the right timing??

Hmm

Well, we're at day 17 and I'm back to fluid typical of early in my usual cycles. I think the spotting I had is a bad sign, as in, I'm out of whack. OR...I TRIED to ovulate but didn't quite reach that much-needed estrogen thresh hold, therefor we'll have another chance this cycle--and now it's April so that's even better!!
Time will tell, as always. I need to take my temp tomorrow, too. I may ovulate in another week or two, which would be nice.
People are starting to "hear" that we're "trying" now and are wishing us well! :) It's so personal--yet too exciting and nerve-wracking not to share! The prayers will help, at any rate.

mid-cycle spotting

Well, here I am at day 14 in this cycle--exactly "midway," according to convention--and yesterday, I had major spotting. Fertile-ish fluid (not quite egg whites, but close), spotted pinkish-red. Just yesterday. A tiny bit the day before but yesterday, there was quite a bit, several times. Similar to my pre-period spotting in the past--which I haven't had in a while.
ANyway, now today, I'm having some definite egg-white-type fluid, no blood, and feeling a little crampy on my left side. I looked up "mid-cycle spotting." Here ya go:
"If you have spotting that occurs around the time of ovulation (ten to fourteen days after the start of your last period), it is likely due to the increased estrogen in your system at this time."
Along with it was this info.: "Mittelschmerz is German for "middle pain," and it is a word that describes the mid-cycle pain that can accompany ovulation. You will experience mittelschmerz on one side of your lower abdomen around the time of ovulation, from 10-14 days after the first day of your last period. If you experience mittelschmerz around the same time as spotting, you are almost certainly ovulating."
Here was another, which for purposes of TRYING to get pregnant, is heartening:
"Spotting that occurs in the middle of your cycle or spotting that occurs some ten to fourteen days prior to the start of the next cycle is normal too. This spotting may occur during ovulation. Seeing a spot of blood during ovulation is considered an excellent fertility sign. It is thought that mid-cycle spotting occurs for one of two reasons. First reason is possibly that when the egg bursts through the follicle, a little bleeding may occur. This blood will then make its way out and show up as “spotting”. Or, during ovulation, the level of estrogens rise, and this sometimes prompts the uterus to shed a bit of lining, which shows up in the form of “spotting.”"
Either way, it's good news!
Meaning....??
I may have been VERY fertile yesterday...and we "did it" yesterday so if the blood was a result of the egg bursting through, there was sperm there to say "Hi! How ya doin'?" pretty soon thereafter.
So it's possible that I already ovulated, without warning.
The bad news is that I was counting on this cycle being of MY normal length (40 days, give or take), and assumed I wouldn't be fertile until April. So, today being the 29th means if we got pregnant within the next few days, we'd be due end of December. YIKES! I will say that any time AFTER Christmas is fine with me, actually. A New Year's Day birthday party wouldn't be the end of the world. It'd be kinda neat to ring in the new year with a new baby!!
So...we "did it" last night and will probably "do it" again tonight--assuming the fertile fluid continues. If it keeps on, we'll revert to the every-other-day method to save sperm. Romantic, huh?
Based on my research, the mid-cycle spotting IS usually a strong sign of being fertile so even though it snuck up on me (there's the three levels of fertile fluid and for the past few days, I barely got to level two, not level 3 where I'm REALLY fertile), it might've been all we needed.
Now to find that thermometer...

Diet

Ok, not the losing weight kind, the "what you eat" kind.
When I was pregnant with Monkey, the midwives told me to eat healthily but I didn't realize that for me, healthy = Weight Watchers. Low fat, low cal, small portions, etc. They and my mom looked at my food diaries and said, "You've got to eat more!!" So I did, but still never over-indulged. I ate very well, which is probably why my skin, hair and nails looked so awesome. And I gained--even at my very heaviest at about 9 months--just under 30 lbs.
So! I'm going to start eating like a pregnant woman. Here's my plan and, no, I don't mind the lack of variety. It as easier on Weight Watchers to eat the same things and I did well with that.
Breakfast: fruit smoothie (organic whole milk, frozen blueberries, strawberries, peaches, etc. plus a banana, ground flax seed and protein powder) and a piece of super-fiberful bread with organic peanut butter
Lunch: turkey sandwich (Boar's Head meat only) with tomato and sprouts, plus an avocado. Maybe some veggie chips or carrot sticks. And soup sometimes, too.
Snack: one of the following: almonds, whole-milk yogurt with granola, hummus with veggies, a granola bar, a piece of fruit, etc.
Dinner: veggies and a grain--either whole wheat pasta or some good rice--and a Boca burger or a tuna or salmon patty. I'll have to find out what they're saying about fish now and the mercury issue.
Plus every night I'll treat myself to a good piece of dark chocolate.
I'd like to keep the animal protein to a minimum but I also know how I get without enough protein and it ain't pretty. Shaky, crabby, tired, etc. Yikes. I'll have to be creative with ways to get my protein.
When I got pregnant with Monkey, I'd just been to see a kinesiologist and he'd taken me off dairy, sugar and white flour and it did me a world of good, so I'd like to try that again as well. BUT, when I DO have dairy, I'll make it fattening dairy cuz the recent research says that's better than low-far dairy for fertility.
So there ya go. That's my shopping list! And if I can just lay off the sweets, I know that will be a boon, too. Here's to a healthy baby!

baby shower

Yep, I'm already dreaming about the baby shower my mom promised me at the Urban Tea Loft in Chandler. This is the invitations I want. I think they're a riot. It's actually raining babies!!!!

Uh-oh

So my cycles are typically 30-45 days long. And wouldn't you know it, since I was banking on NOT being fertile again until April, that it looks like I'll actually be fertile at a near-normal time, about two weeks into this cycle, which will be this weekend. That's reeeeeeally cutting it close. I'd be due late December/early January. Hmmmm. Didn't so much want a baby in '08. MID-January at the earliest. But waiting another cycle to start trying??? Inconceivable! Hee!
It's possible that I won't be truly fertile well into April after all--but it's definitely possible that it would be sooner. I'd love to at least make it to NEXT weekend! Good grief.

Gotta start the shopping!!

Let the shopping begin!!
I'm restraining myself from buying maternity clothes until I'm actually pregnant...but couldn't resist THIS for spreading the news!! I'd been looking high and low and doing searches on "how I told people I'm pregnant" and kept coming up empty. THIS was designed by a graphic designer to announce HER pregnancy--and they're perfect!! It says, "Today is the day that we say, there is a baby is on the way! SURPRISE!"

I'm planning to give them with these tissue holders! Heehee. For Mother's Day, ideally, but that's assuming I get pregnant within the next two cycles.

Either way, I'll be ready! I may enclose a picture of me in my "Oh, Baby!" maternity t-shirt, perhaps holding the positive pregnancy test. What a hoot!!
I've got two pregnant friends due in the next few months so I ordered them some goodies from Etsy. Baby shopping is always fun, no matter who it's for! One of these girls registered for a taggy blanket and I remembered seeing them on Etsy so I decided to order them from there.
This one is for baby Lucy and will be customized with an "L."

And this one is for a baby boy but they haven't decided on a name so it will be blank.

Oh, babies are fun!!

He's "in!"

It's official. When we went to bed last night, I told the Paladin that I'd be fertile in a week or two and if we got pregnant, I'd be due in January--so he should pray about it and think about it and let me know if we were going to "try" in April. Then this morning, he snuggled up to me before he left for work and said, "I'm ready for another baby."
So we're officially "trying" now and I no longer feel like I'm in it alone. We're taking that leap of faith!
That funny sound you hear in the distance is me saying, "Wheeeeeee.....!!"

Charting again

Wow. I haven't done a "real" fertility chart (taking and recording temps and all the rest) since February/March of 2005! That's three years ago--I hope I remember how!! I did a few "birth control" charts in the meantime, but never stuck with it because it didn't really matter whether I was ovulating and I only really thought I might be pregnant maybe twice??...in the meantime.
So. Today I printed out my Taking Charge of Your Fertility "pregnancy achievement" charts!!! Only slightly different from the birth control ones, I'm not even sure how. For me, it's mental. Everything has the "best chance of GETTING pregnant" idea behind it, rather than avoiding it. Bye-bye, condoms!!
It's funny because I once read how many women try to avoid getting pregnant at all costs for YEARS. Then all the sudden they're married and thinking they'd like to start a family and BAM! You expect your body to follow suit?? You've been telling it for so long, "Don't get pregnant, don't get pregnant, don't get pregnant" but just because you suddenly change your mind, your body is suppose to "snap to???" Y'right!! The book or article suggests taking some time to sort of change modes, to give your body a chance to catch up. Start telling yourself, "I am open to getting pregnant...My body welcomes a fertilized egg..." etc., etc. It's interesting.
And that's where I'm at...almost.
I printed out three. Sometimes my cycles run that long--40 days--but talk about wishful thinking, huh? Getting pregnant after three tries would be a miracle. A wonderful, wonderful miracle.
So what about the "almost?" Well...The Paladin and I were ready with Monkey. We'd been "trying" off and on for about six months, three times where everything lined up and we had a really good chance. Close to when we actually conceived, we were praying for a pregnancy, doing everything we knew how to increase our chances, and both kinda felt...ready. And felt like that one "took." And it did. We were thrilled!
We're not there yet. The Paladin is still hesitant about having a new baby. Then again, we enjoy Monkey so much and are pretty amazing parents and time is ticking...so the timing seems right, especially since the whole November/December baby issue is over for now.
Yet still, the hesitation. I often wonder, is anyone EVER really "ready???" Does anyone think, "Gee, life is so easy right now. We've got lots of money to spare, plenty of free time, TOO much sleep...we should have a new baby!!"
Monkey would be three. He'd be helpful, verbal, preschool-age.
I'm thirty!! Not getting any younger, folks!! We wait three MORE years before a third child and I'll be almost "high risk" by then. Yikes. And frankly, I'd like to get this baby stuff behind us. Don't get me wrong--I looooove babies, I am definitely a "baby person." BUT--there is a certain amount of freedom that comes with having school-age children. It'd be nice to get there before we're 50!!
So...ready...hmmm. Not quite. Probably will "try" in April, though. I'm thinking this will be a strong cycle.
Sigh...charting is a pain. Gotta start the whole thermometer/light/pen by the bed thing. Ugh. It's worth it, though...right?? :)

Phew!

I just started a new cycle. Not sure if I ovulated this time--probably not, because my temps were fairly low.
So no baby in 2008! It's kind of weird, actually!! But good, too, cuz we missed the Nov./Dec. window. Woo-hoo!! I know, I know...you hope NOT to get pregnant then suddenly your body is suppose to obey and immediately GET pregnant when you want it to. I'm willing to take that risk. I have my heart set on a Spring baby in '08. How sweet would that be??? So now it'll be another three weeks, maybe more, until I'm fertile again, and another two weeks until I'd know if I'm pregnant so we're looking at the end of April to know anything.
This could be my last period for nine months! :)
The waiting game begins.
Which reminds me, I didn't take my prenatal vitamins today!! Gotta run!

not pregnant

So I've been feeling crampy with a back-ache and some nausea, plus a few other weird symptoms, and no period. I woke up today, still feeling crampy and nauseated and no period--so I finally tested just to get it over with. NOT pregnant--which is such a relief!! Of course I'd be thrilled if I were but I SO wanted to miss the Nov./Dec. window!! Now that March is almost half over, we're out of the woods for a Nov./Dec. baby and I'll probably be fertile again in mid-April, which will put me due in mid-January at the earliest--which is great!! After that, I'm totally OK with being due in Feb., March, April, May, even June!! After that, we'll re-evaluate. I don't do well in the heat, pregnant or not.
Our stress levels are so much better now that The Paladin got his new job. We've got to get Monkey into a better nighttime routine--two weekends (and this one coming, too) with company in town means we ALL keep crazy hours--and I've got to get healthier--then we'll be all set to start trying again! Last time, it took us about four solid attempts but ya never know--plenty of people get it on the first try!!
I've already lost 3-4 lbs. and counting...and have cut a lot of the sugar and dairy, my two worst enemies. This tummy/back ache is still a mystery--I need to start doing yoga again!! Is it due to the excitement?? And stress?? My body reacts like this to good AND bad stress--it doesn't seem to know the difference. Everything registers in my belly--weird.
ANYway, this cycle is dragging on--I'll be SO happy to have it behind me so we can move on!!! I am charting my temps again--they've been the same 97.7 yesterday and today. Doesn't look like I ovulated yet, and probably won't, since we're already over 40 days into it!! That happens to me every eight to twelve months or so--but the good news is, the cycle following an annovulatory cycle is usually a strong one with a nice, long fertile time.
And so it begins. Will keep you posted!!! Pray for us and the perfect egg!! Heehee, with Easter coming, that's kind of funny...

Draaaaaaaging on

Ugh, I hate these long cycles. I've been at this one since Jan. 28th!! We're already at 40 days and I still have some fertile-ish fluid--weird. I've also been having an on-going backache and tummy ache--almost crampy. Nothing makes sense. I haven't been sleeping well, either. Not a fun combo. So, I have no idea where I am in this cycle or what April may hold. Hopefully The Paladin will get the 411 on his benefits once he starts his new job on Monday--that'll help us decide.
My niece was born this week at home and I was there to witness it. Three hours of labor, about 15 minutes of major pushing and there she was--born in a kiddie pool at 6:08 a.m. 8 lbs. 10.5oz and 20.5" long--big baby, especially compared to my sis-in-law's precious babies, who were not even 6lbs.!!! Wow, what a woman!!
ANYway, seeing the birth and thinking about how now they're a family of five and all the stress and crazy nights that a newborn brings--it just reminded me of how so much changes when a new little one enters the world. And am I ready?? Monkey is not exactly low-maintenance. He doesn't have a regulated bed-time, he's not s great eater, he doesn't do well in public, he's VERY active AND talkative and definitely has a mind of his own--do I really need to add a newborn to that mix??
It has been nice to practice, now that I help my friend with her 17-month-old and it is comforting to know I won't have kids THAT close together. Monkey is getting more independent and is helping us more...and we would have 9 months to prepare...but it will be a hard transition. Just being pregnant and taking care of a two-year-old will be hard, especially if there's morning sickness and then, later, when I'm HUGE.
Of course I love babies. I AM a "baby person" and REALLY enjoyed Monkey as an infant--do doubt about that. But...are we really ready?? The little freedom we're afforded will be greatly decreased.
Then again, it'll be nice to be past the baby phase, too, and have only preschoolers and school-age kids. Then I can really do ministry, work, help other women, whatever. And I know we want at least one other child--and I'm already 30!! So we better get hoppin'.
Ultimately, it's up to God. But will we really start "trying" in April???

The Paladin got a new job!!

My husband is employed--woo-hoo!!
He got a GREAT job, actually--praise the Lord!! Benefits, too, so now we can rest easy--and start trying for that baby! :)
April looks like the first month we'll try--and he knows I'm chomping at the bit but I can tell he's excited, too. The start of a new season in so many ways!! God's timing is always perfect so we'll see what He has in mind!

Woo-hoo!! It's March!!

It's a shame we're not trying yet cuz, WHOA, am I fertile!! Yikes! I hope it's this obvious next cycle, assuming we do decide to try then. This cycle is turning out to be quite long...it'll end up being at least 6 weeks long, which means I probably won't be fertile again until mid-April. Which works well!!
Drew's job situation is still up in the air but he has a good possibility tomorrow so if it goes through and everything works out, we'll definitely be "on" for trying in April. I attended a funeral today for a lady I played Bunco with. She was only 64 and died in her sleep, leaving behind two kids (her daughter still plays with us) and five grandsons. She was a dear woman, we will miss her. The pastor brought the family up front and said, "See? She said 'yes' to God and had these two beautiful children. Then her children both said 'yes' to God. Here is the result." It was touching. I thought, "I hope we can say 'yes' to God soon." I certainly do believe that children are a gift from God but I also believe we have a certain level of responsibility in how and when we bring them into the world. I've heard it many times--so many women that wish they'd started having children sooner, or wish they'd have had more. I've said it before and I'll say it again--having children is a huge leap of faith. We felt it wasn't the right time yet--but are now starting to feel a new season of life begin and are finally feeling God's nod of approval to say, "It's time." It's been hard in some ways to wait and only God knows how long the wait will continue but I'm looking forward to syncing up with God's plan to expand our family. It's scary. And exciting.
I love the idea of having a newborn this time next year--SPRING! How appropriate. I'd love to be hugely pregnant at Christmas then have a beautiful little bundle at church on Easter--but that's my plan. God may have other ideas.
But we made it to March and I'm feeling relieved. No baby in '08!! That was my goal. So far, my plan is working! :)

the waiting game

Oooh, how I hate waiting--but the getting pregnant game is all about waiting so I know I'm in for a lot of it!
This cycle is dragging on...ugh. BUT, the good news is, March is just around the corner--gosh, two days away! And once we're out of March, we'll be out of the danger zone of being due in December. After that, it's smooth sailing!!
I ordered a super-cute diaper bag from a gal on Etsy who makes THE most beautiful bags in Amy Butler fabrics...but this one has a bird, too, which I loooove. She had a promo, too, for a free mini-wallet with purchase, soooo--how could I resist?? :)

I am definitely planning to try to lose about 5 lbs. in March--I could easily look three months pregnant, given the right pair of pants and a big lunch (like today--hello, Chipotle burrito!). I'd like to start UNDER what I weighed when I was pregnant with Andrew, which was 158 lbs. That was a little more pudgy than I prefer--so I'm shooting for about 153 lbs. before getting pregnant. I expect I'll gain more with this pregnancy--there's no way to avoid fries and chicken nuggets these days--so that should even me out.
My plan is to cut out the sweets. Yup, it'll be about that easy. I eat a LOT of sweets--especially this time of year, when the candy and treats are so tempting. That and drinking more water, coupled with not eating out when the kiddos eat out. Well, maybe once/week but not every day!
I'd like to start exercising, too. We have a Gazelle so it'd be super-easy to jump on for 30 minutes/day--it's just a matter of making it a priority.
It's nice to be gearing up for a pregnancy--especially since it's springtime and everything is blooming. I even got back most of my loaned-out maternity clothes yesterday! Good timing all around.

Looking forward to trying again

Oooooh, here we go again!! Our son, Monkey, is now 27 months old which means that he and his sibling will be 3 years apart in age. Monkey was conceived on February 27th and was born November 26th--almost exactly 9 months from conception to birth. So assuming my next pregnancy lasts approximately that long, he'll be three years old when our next baby--God willing--is born.
If I got pregnant before the end of February, the pregnancy would follow the same course as Monkey's did. We absolutely do not want another November baby!! I'll be glad when February is behind us! A December baby isn't an option, either. So it would be ideal if I can make it at least one more cycle withOUT getting pregnant. When April rolls around, we're going to re-evaluate where we are (mostly The Paladin's job situation) and very possibly start "trying" then.
Here's how it breaks down, assuming the nine calendar months:
April conception, January birth
May-->February
June-->March
July-->April
August-->May
September-->June
If we got to September and weren't pregnant, I'd probably take another "break" until we could avoid having a baby in the dead of summer. The heat is not kind to me and being dehydrated causes a lot of issues and it's hard enough when you're NOT pregnant. Then the only other doable month would be January to conceive, although to be 9 months pregnant in October isn't much better. Then we'd have to wait until April again! :)
So, really, starting in April, we've got 6 months to give it a go. And that's not six cycles for me, either. My cycles last from 35 to 45-plus days, so in six months I may only ovulate 4 times. And there's a million other factors, of course, that play a role, so--it's tricky!! And there are no guarantees.
One thing I do know--I need to start charting again. UGH! It is laborious, especially for conception. I tend to be fertile--or at least "look" fertile--for about 6 days/month. So that's usually sex every-other day for about a week. That's hard work! :) We had sex two days before conception when we conceived Monkey--I was worried we'd missed the window of opportunity!! Typcially, girl sperm swim slower so I thought we had a better chance of having a girl, but--no!!!
I am taking pre-natal vitamins now so they have a couple of months to build up in my system. I'm trying to cut back on the caffeine and sugar, too--but it's hard. I really want to be eating well and treating my body as if I were already pregnant--and even lose 3-5 lbs., too, in preparation. I'm almost exactly the weight I was when I got pregnant with Monkey, but I was about 5 lbs. over where I wanted to be at the time. Holiday weight gain, I suppose. Once I start cutting the sugar and eating better, I'll almost certainly drop the few pounds, so--it's a win-win.
A lot of this rides on The Paladin's job. He's done with his current job at the end of February and doesn't really have many prospects, nor really knows what he wants to do next. There's a lot up in the air at the moment. For us to feel good about getting pregnant again, not only does he need a good job with good benefits, but we also need to pay off Monkey's birth!! Will that happen in the next month?? That will remain to be seen.
In the meantime, I've been reading old journals I wrote when we were "trying" for Monkey, and looking at his baby albums, etc. My heart is definitely whispering, "It's time." But it's all in God's timing, of course! We'll see what becomes of all these unknowns. That reminds me, I didn't take my vitamins today!!