Draaaaaaaging on

Ugh, I hate these long cycles. I've been at this one since Jan. 28th!! We're already at 40 days and I still have some fertile-ish fluid--weird. I've also been having an on-going backache and tummy ache--almost crampy. Nothing makes sense. I haven't been sleeping well, either. Not a fun combo. So, I have no idea where I am in this cycle or what April may hold. Hopefully The Paladin will get the 411 on his benefits once he starts his new job on Monday--that'll help us decide.
My niece was born this week at home and I was there to witness it. Three hours of labor, about 15 minutes of major pushing and there she was--born in a kiddie pool at 6:08 a.m. 8 lbs. 10.5oz and 20.5" long--big baby, especially compared to my sis-in-law's precious babies, who were not even 6lbs.!!! Wow, what a woman!!
ANYway, seeing the birth and thinking about how now they're a family of five and all the stress and crazy nights that a newborn brings--it just reminded me of how so much changes when a new little one enters the world. And am I ready?? Monkey is not exactly low-maintenance. He doesn't have a regulated bed-time, he's not s great eater, he doesn't do well in public, he's VERY active AND talkative and definitely has a mind of his own--do I really need to add a newborn to that mix??
It has been nice to practice, now that I help my friend with her 17-month-old and it is comforting to know I won't have kids THAT close together. Monkey is getting more independent and is helping us more...and we would have 9 months to prepare...but it will be a hard transition. Just being pregnant and taking care of a two-year-old will be hard, especially if there's morning sickness and then, later, when I'm HUGE.
Of course I love babies. I AM a "baby person" and REALLY enjoyed Monkey as an infant--do doubt about that. But...are we really ready?? The little freedom we're afforded will be greatly decreased.
Then again, it'll be nice to be past the baby phase, too, and have only preschoolers and school-age kids. Then I can really do ministry, work, help other women, whatever. And I know we want at least one other child--and I'm already 30!! So we better get hoppin'.
Ultimately, it's up to God. But will we really start "trying" in April???